Perfect.......loss

So I'm back on the 'losing' wagon lately. Actually, it's been about a week and I'm using a bible study that my lovely daughter Kaitlin showed me called The Lord's Table.  So far, I've lost 4 lbs, that's 4 lbs in one week. I'm pretty pleased with that rate. I really don't think I could ask for better. 

The most wonderful thing about it is that it brings me closer to God and I get some physical benefits on the side.  God's working in some pretty cool ways in my life so I am just blessed all around. 

I had lost about 27 lbs before Kitty's wedding and then put 15 of it back really quickly. So now I'm on my down again.  One of the things that's happened is that the Lord seems to have taken away my desire to drink Mt. Dew all day. (this has been a real issue for me to let go of)  Instead, I'm drinking water quite happily. This is completely new for me.  Yay God!!!

And let me share one more Layout with you.  This is another from the challenge that my friend Caz is running.  I have now completed 18 LO's with this one kit.  Hard to believe that it is the smallest kit I own.  I can see it is going to take me a long time to get through some of the others that I have.  Anyway, here is my LO titled 'Perfect Couple'. I love love love it.   I hated that pink ring paper but I am so happy with how this turned out.

How Many Times

I ask how many because I do wonder each time I set out to lose weight whether this will be the final time that I am embroiled so deeply in this particular battle.  I have really only tried very seriously two times that I can think of.  One was about 12 years ago when I did Weigh Down Workshop and the second was last year when I did the Eden Diet.

They are both very similar.  This time, I am doing Setting Captives Free, again, very similar.  The other two worked, but only for a season.  I lost about 70lbs the first time and 30lbs the second.  I felt good in both cases but lost motivation and went back to old habits quickly.  I've noticed between last time and this that I put on the weight much much faster today than I did 10 years ago.  That is disconcerting.  However, the weight did come off quickly this time and for that I am thankful.

The main difference with this particular program is that right off the bat, they speak of the need to have a proper, Godly motivaton for such an effort.  So today, I confess that in the past, my motivation has been my own self-idolotry and the desire to look good/feel good etc for myself.  I may have said it wasn't, but it was.  Today, I am praying for a new attitude.  I am praying that God will graft into my heart a desire to lose weight to His glory alone. I believe that if I can aquire and maintain such an attitude, the Lord will be in my efforts and they will be successful.

If I don't succeed, I think we will all know it's because my motives were wrong.  Pray for me!  Please.

Turning to Freedom

How many of us have been locked up our whole lives, in one way or another?  I'd guess pretty close to all of us.  The number of things to which we become captive is huge.  For some of us, it's money, power and prestige.  For others, its drugs, alchohol or tobacca.  For others, it's been food or exercise, or both.  Yet for others, it's the captivity of the American Way, aka greed.  The list could go on and on, but at it's core is the fact that from one lie or another, many of us are in deep bondage.

I am such a person.  The number of ways in which I've been in bondage over the years is really quite high.  Most recently, food has been a big issue for me.  It's rooted in satisfying my selfish desires and running from some painful truths.  It's not that food per se has a hold on me, but the lies I believe about it and about life certainly have.

I am coming face to face with all that this means in my life.  God is using a wide variety of avenues to rid me of myself so that I will belong to him (to quote a favorite Hillsong tune).  I am finding freedom.  I am learning meaning.  I am coming to understand that I really do have to choose freedom every day.  It has little to do with physical freedom and so much more to do with having and living in truth.

By the way, since June 8th, I've lost 10 lbs, which means I've met the goal I set for myself.  I wasn't certain I could do it, but I did.  Thank you and praise to the Only One Who makes it possible.  Glory to Jesus for His Spirit living in me and speaking truth to my heart when my head lies to me about a need for food and drink.

Happy 4th of July.  May you be truly free today and always.

Updating

Sorry, don't know where I've been recently.  Been a busy week I guess.

Not a whole ton to report, but 5 more lbs down now so I'm pleased with my progress.  I'm pretty sure it's all boobs, but that's pretty typical, eh. LOL

Just wanted to stop in and say thanks to all of you who've been dropping by and reading the nonsense that I post.  It's nice to know someone's interested isn't it.  I think that is one of the reasons blogging is so popular.  It's an opportunity to be heard and responded to.  We're pretty blessed to have that chance I think.

God is good.  He's working on my heart in particular with the area of self-lessness.  Not my strong suit.  I'm trying to learn, but man, I'm pretty headstrong!

Let me know what He's doing in your life if you have a minute.  I find God often speaks through my friends of what He wants to do in me. 

Blessings all!

I feel pretty!

I do, I really do feel pretty.  I think it's the first time I felt truly good about myself in quite a while. 

It's not that I've lost a ton of weight as of yet, but I know that I'm taking care of my body and that just makes me feel so good about myself. 

I am so thankful that God has helped me to get ahold of the mindset I needed.  I've often wondered why it is that sometimes I am in the 'right' frame of mind to start acting on what I know is true and other times I can't seem to get there to save my life.  I haven't got any answers yet on that front, but if any of you do, please feel free to share.

The last couple of days have gone pretty darn well.  Had dinner out last night with my family, well, part of my family.  Jeremy and Kaitlin and I went to dinner while Hunter and Maddie went to the Friday night youth fest at a local church that they really enjoy.  We had a nice time, split two dinners, an appetizer and even desert between us.  But we brought some of it home.  And most importantly, the portion that ended up on my plate, and ultimately down my gullet was very reasonable.  It tasted heavenly, I felt no guilt and afterward, we took a walk to use up a bit of that fuel.

I'm very proud of myself for doing that last bit.  I've been considering getting moving, but honestly, I've always HATED excercise.  I like activity when I'm interested in it, but exercise for the sake of exercise has never been my thing.  However, last night, I WANTED to walk. Yay!  Jeremy and I are going to try to schedule evening walks into our lives now. Should be very good.

The beginning of my Weight Loss Journal

Hi Friends,

The first thing I want to say today is how excited I am about The Eden Diet once again.  I'm nearly finished with the book and what do you think I found toward the end?  An endorsement of Theophostic Prayer.  You may not have heard me mention Theophostic before, but I am a trained Theophostic prayer facilitator and I strongly believe in the ministry this technique provides to hurting people.

I have long known that overeating is an emotional problem more than anything else, at least it is for me.  So to have seen that someone else is willing to recommend that Theophostic would have benefit was just a confirmation of what I already believed. Yay

I did have lots of opportunity and ability to resist tempting food yesterday!  I overcame by His Grace.

I wanted to share what I'm working on as an artistic outlet for some of what I'm dealing with on the Weight Loss front. 

As you may know, I'm sort of an artsy kinda girl.  So, I've decide to create a journal on paper that I can work on as I progress along the path to permanent weight loss and healthy living. 

I think it is important to document where you are and where you've been.  I think it is good for me and even for my family to know what brought me to the place I am and what is pulling me out.  So, a journal was in order. But no ordinary journal this time.  Nope, this time it's going to be pretty.  So without further ado, here it is.

Of course, these bits aren't yet bound, but you can see the beginning of my project and how it will take shape. 

Peacock Feathers are Ravishingly Beautiful, and other random thoughts

Really, I am quite astonished at the beauty of a peacock feather.  I've got one perched on a hat I decorated a year ago.  The hat looks ridiculous on my head, but it's sure pretty sitting on a lamp or something.  And all because of that peacock feather.  I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I thought you should know.

Now, about my day.  It's been good.  I had a DR appt, which was, you know, a Doctor's appointment.  But I love my doctor so it is as good as it could be.

The best part of my day was that I saw that my efforts and God's healing work in the area of my weight issues are making a difference.  4 lbs since last Tuesday!  Woot.  I'm so proud of me and so very thankful to God for waking me up to what I needed to do.

I ate lunch out today and it went really well.  I wasn't tempted to eat more than I should and I felt very satisfied with the quantity that I had.  You have no idea what a huge gift that is from my Father in heaven.  HUGE!

Dropped off a pile of layouts at Making Memories Unforgetable.  That's always a happy thing to do since it makes me feel good when I know my work is appreciated.  Now I'm tired and would really like to have a nap.

Pray for my kiddos if you think of them.  Hunter is really unhappy right now and I'm really not sure what the reason is.  Madison is not soooo happy, but she's doing better than she had been for a few days.  They are just a couple of very unhappy people and what they need most is Christ, but they don't want Him. 

Here's a little something to look at, my most recent layout.  With feathers!!! Peacock ones!

Pantry Revelations

So I've been trying to organize my house, little by little.  It's a big house and I've filled it with a LOT of stuff so it is a long process.

This evening, I've been working on my pantry.  I have a truly wonderful pantry, built for me by my truly amazing husband.  It's quite large, I'm guessing it's 8 feet wide and maybe 2 feet deep with a million shelves in it of varying heights.  He and I planned it together with a mind to use all the space as efficiently as possible.

Right now, I'm emptying it shelf by shelf and putting the contents of each shelf on my kitchen counters. Then, I am staring blankly at it for a bit, wondering what in blue blazes I am going to do with all of this stuff.  I am finding that I have a lot of food that I will likely never use. 

I believe it may be safe to say that I am something of a hoarder.  I buy a special something, like the Lemon Curd I found (which I have been shifting around on the shelves for who knows how long, waiting for just the right occasion to serve it) then I never use it.  I am afraid if I use it I'll never be able to get it again so I hoard it. 

That is just plain silly.  I'm not sure what the wrong thinking is that leads to such an action but I believe I ought to try and get to the bottom of it so that I can STOP IT! (anyone for Bob Newhart?)

For now, I'm just throwing a lot of stuff away outright.  I can see why it's a better plan to make a list, shop for only the items on the list and leave the rest behind.  I think perhaps we'll give that method a go here in the very near future.  For now, I don't believe I need to shop for a  month except for perishables.

I suppose all of this connects back to my eating and weight loss issues.  I'm not sure where I learned to shop or store food but I need to relearn.  If anyone has tips, feel free to share!

Company coming

Hey all, got a variety of events to post about.  First off, my best friend from when I was 9 is coming for a visit!  Yay, don't have that happen too often so we should have a good time together.  She's the traveler and comes to me most of the time.  I rarely get to travel and visit friends as my hubby doesn't like traveling much and dragging all the kiddos.  Lucky for me that Sharon does enjoy it.

I made a new layout last night with my most recent Studio Calico kit.  If you don't know Studio Calico, you NEED to check them out. It's my home away from home, love that place.  So here is that:

The colors in the Partly Sunny are just soooo summery!  They make me smile.

Yesterday's eating went pretty well I think.  I may have overdone slightly, but not enough to get upset about.  Well, really, there is no reason to get upset in general about such things.  Once they are done, they are done and you really need to just move on and make the next decision a better one.  I'm trying to get that mentality stuck solidly in my brain.

I am really getting alot out of The Eden Diet, the book I'm reading by Rita Hancock.  It's really making a lot of sense.  It adds to what I learned in WDW, but somehow it seems even more common sense than the other one I did.  There are alot of studies that outline how she came to her conclusion, perhaps that is what is helping me. Although to be honest, I don't often put a ton of stock in studies.  It seems as though there is a study to prove almost everything.

I think the idea of eating no more than what amounts to the size of your fist in food at a sitting makes alot of sense.  If you're REALLY hungry, no more than two fists.  From my Weigh Down experience, I know that this is plenty of food for my body.  The thing that is the biggest struggle for me is that my body really does require a smaller than average amount of food, so one fistful of food twice a day really does sustain me. 

I do struggle with resenting that since I like to eat.  I love the taste of food and the smell of food and the appearance of food.  I'm not sure if that is wrong thinking that I need to change.  I don't think it is, but I need to get to the point where I'm okay with the fact that I only need to eat twice a day.  Working on that one.

Day 6, a little emotional struggle

Hello friends and ME.  Yesterday went pretty well.  I went to Phoenix shopping with a friend and ended up having all my meals out.  Normally, that is a big problem, but I feel like I was able to overcome it.  I didn't eat my whole meal.  Usually eating about half. 

My friend brought along snacks, lots of snacks, but with the exception of 5 or 6 cashews, I let them pass me by.  I am proud of myself for making it through that day without any major difficulties.

Today has felt a little emotional.  I'm not sure that I can identify why exactly. I guess I need to look into that through prayer.  I think one thing that is bothering me is that my husband is teaching my children how to ride a dirtbike. With Kaitlin, I'm not so concerned but Madison and especially Hunter are ridiculous dare devils and I'm pretty confident that when he lets them ride on their own, which is the only way for them to ride since we only have one dirt bike, they will commence trying stunts to outdo whoever is around to see. 

They will be irresponsible and they will be hurt, who knows how bad.  I'm not against motorcycle riding, clearly, since Jeremy has been riding as long as I've known him.  But the irresponsibility of my children does concern me and I admit I'm angry that he would teach them to do something that they don't have the judgement for.  Not only that, but when they get hurt, it will be me who is expected to care for them.  That sounds selfish and perhaps it is, but I will have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who chose to engage in an activity that is dangerous in an irresponsible manner.    OH, nevermind about that.

Tomorrow, my friend Sharon arrives from Texas. It is often tempting to overeat when company comes so I will have a little bit of a challenge,but I shall overcome!!!

Dare I hope?

I'd like to quote Heidi again.  I am reading through her blog journey from the beginning.

This morning I read this: In a way, I hope it is indication that he has delivered me. Dare I hope that? Hmm...

That one line resonated soooo loudly with me.  When I began my Weigh Down journey 10 years ago, I felt so free and I KNEW that I was done with my eating issues.

But conversations with an older woman who had struggled with weight all her life introduced doubt.  I don't recall exactly how she put it, but the message I got was that I better expect to fail eventually.  She didn't have any confidence that my success would be permanent.

I don't blame her for my subsequent failure, but I will say that her words influenced me and I have recounted them again and again over the course of the last 10 years.

Now, I am at a crossroads.  Dare I hope?  I am going to choose to hope and trust that God is doing a new work in me.  I am going to hope that He will heal my heart and my body along with it.  Hope.  Hope in the Lord.

Day 3, not that I'm counting

Well, it's been another day.  And first, I want to put Briana's mind at ease. Don't worry love, I'm not starving myself or any such thing. Just eating according to actual hunger and fullness rather than head hunger and head fullness.  (that's where your mind tells you to eat a bagillion m&m's, or even carrot sticks because it can never be satisfied)

LOL, I'm pretty sure that I'm the least likely candidate on earth for Anorexia.  I love food way to much and can find MANY reasons to justify consuming it.

Back to business, yesterday went pretty well.  I'm expecting my materials for 'The Eden Diet' to arrive today.  I'm sure that will be helpful.  Yesterday, I ate relatively healthy, some salad and fresh pico de gallo at dinner time, soup and a sliver of cheesecake for breakfast (yes I hate breakfast food), a chicken sandwich in the middle, a few cherries and nuts for snacks.  But the key is that none of it was in large quantity. 

I felt really good yesterday and all began incorporating deliberate movement throughout the day.  Not continued exercise, but exercise in small doses, dancing around the house, leg lifts, etc.  I did them here and there.  When I was a little girl, I remember my mama doing that all the time and I thought what a weirdo she was. Now I see why she did it.  It gets boring to me doing an hour of this or that.  So snippets here and there may work well for me.

I'd like to get to the point where I can walk in the evenings or something, but haven't worked up the gumption to do that just yet.  I also need to try out my Zumba.

Oh, and I found this gal's blog(actually, she found me!) that I really like and think I'll try to read it daily, including going back to the beginning of her journey.  Her name is Heidi Bylsma and she's got lots to say about being a healthy eater.  I'm sure I'll share more about her as I move through this journey. 

Today, meet with God and ask for His help.  Begin afresh to seek Him daily and listen to Him daily.

The next day

I think I'm going to try to track my progress here.  I may make a paper journal too, but this is much easier and accessable.

Yesterday went pretty well.  Well, mostly.  I did succumb to some Chicken McNuggets, but I was hungry.  Still I had more than I needed.  But overall, I know that I ate less yesterday than I normally would have, so that is a step in the right direction.

I need to get focused on what God has done in my life moment by moment.  There have been very long periods of time where I have been very focused on that, but more recently, I've been drifting a bit.

I need to get back to deeply trusting God with my day to day.  I think I'm going to go over to Mom's house and use her scale to get a beginning weight and see whether I can go over once a week or so ongoing so I don't have that scale staring me in the face every day at home.  It's so tempting to get on it again and again and then get discouraged that it doesn't read as I'd like it to.

A New Day

I can't count how many times my intentions have been to lose weight.  I've only ever been truly successful once in my life.  But my entire adult life has been a battle.  Well, more of a defeat I suppose.

But I feel that this is the time for me, once again.  I feel a new commitment.  I feel that I mean it.  I remember the first time, I knew I meant it.  I believe I mean it this time.  I say that with this thing inside me that sort of cringes and says "ooooohhh, I sure hope so!"

I think many of us know our shortcomings.  Mine is certainly a small will power.  At least for certain things.  I've done a lot of difficult things in my life, but fighting addiction is one of the hardest. 

Most of us don't think of eating as an addictive behavior, but it is.  I know it and I'm trying to face it now.  I don't have a picture yet, but I will.  I will take some today and I will put them in my journal, and maybe post them here.  I don't have a scale, but perhaps I should buy one so I can track my progress.  It's either depressing or encouraging when you have a scale, LOL.

I started yesterday and it went pretty well, except that in the evening, I really wanted to eat, but I wasn't hungry. It was head hunger, not stomach hunger.  I am going to become stronger than my own deceitful mind.