Tired

I don't know why, but I'm tired today.  I slept well last night.  A long night of rest really, about 9 hours.  Yet today, I can scarcely keep my eyes open.

It's been a hectic week.  Some very good friends lost their father unexpectedly this week and we've been grieving with them.  Perhaps that is why I feel tired.

I also find myself continually seeking God.  Seeking a deeper love for Him.  Seeking a richer comprehension of His character and person.  Seeking to see His power in action among His people.  Seeking to see His people fall passionately, madly, hopefully in LOVE with Him.

I was reading AW Tozer's 'The Pursuit of God', which I happen to think is one of the most profound books I've ever read, aside from the Bible itself of course.  Tozer has a way of very eloquently proclaiming the very thoughts of my own heart.  I could never say things as he does, but I rejoice to know that someone else knows.

This time, I was caught up with the following statements. "In this hour of all-but-universal darkness one cheering gleam appears: Within the fold of conservative Christianity there are to be found increasing numbers of persons whose religious lives are marked by a growing hunger after God Himslef. They are eager for spritual realities and will not be put off with words, nor will they be content with correct 'interpretations' of truth.  They are athirst for God, and they will not be satisfied till they hae drunk deep at the Fountain of Living Water."

This is my desire.  Can you relate?

Updating

Sorry, don't know where I've been recently.  Been a busy week I guess.

Not a whole ton to report, but 5 more lbs down now so I'm pleased with my progress.  I'm pretty sure it's all boobs, but that's pretty typical, eh. LOL

Just wanted to stop in and say thanks to all of you who've been dropping by and reading the nonsense that I post.  It's nice to know someone's interested isn't it.  I think that is one of the reasons blogging is so popular.  It's an opportunity to be heard and responded to.  We're pretty blessed to have that chance I think.

God is good.  He's working on my heart in particular with the area of self-lessness.  Not my strong suit.  I'm trying to learn, but man, I'm pretty headstrong!

Let me know what He's doing in your life if you have a minute.  I find God often speaks through my friends of what He wants to do in me. 

Blessings all!

Discovery

I haven't slept all night.  I'm not sure quite why, but I've been reading The Eden Diet and my guess is that it's triggering 'stuff'.

So all night, literally, until now when it's 4:30 AM here, I've been tossing and turning and trying with no success to sleep.

I've been processing, or at least trying to determine what the trigger point is.  I couldn't say what about the things I read brought this to the forefront but I did have a revelation just now.

I'm a little nervous to share it, but perhaps it will resonate with someone.  I just came upon the thought that I have a tendency of late to want to be left alone.  This isn't possible as I have children who are home 24/7 who need me.  Still, the feeling lingers.  And I find myself resenting it fairly often.  I believe I just hit upon the reason why this is bothering me.  I came to the realization that since I was a very small child, someone has always wanted to take something from me.  Someone has always wanted something of me.  Early on, it was something they had no right or proper excuse to take and that set the tone for me not wanting to give of myself.

I believe I learned then that when someone wants something from you it's a violation.  This isn't generally true, but for that little girl that I was, it is true.  And so I've lived reacting to that my whole life.  Now, when someone wants something from me and I'm not sure how to give it, I tense up. I become resentful and sullen and angry.  But I don't usually even recognize it at the time, other than that I want to be left alone.

An interesting twist is that I DO want to give of myself to help people, but often, when I get to the point of really helping, I'm tempted to pull back.  I don't always, but the temptation is almost always there.  It's a vulnerable place I believe.

I'm not sure what I will do with this information, but I'm sure it will be helpful in the near future as I travel this path I am now on.  I am sure that God gave me that revelation for one of His perfect purposes.

A few new layouts and some God thoughts

So here is my question and thought to ponder for the day.  I've noticed in church, in my own leading of prayer occasions and just being with other pray-ers (ie praying people) that sometimes we have a really hard time simply talking to God. 

Frequently, we feel the need to sound eloquent and spiritual.  The result is frequently that we sort of stumble all over ourselves and speak to God in a way that we would never consider speaking to a person sitting next to us.

For example: Dear Heavenly Father, God, would you just, God, would you just hear my prayer Lord.  Father, would you help me feel the presence of God, of the the Father, of You.

Translate that to a person.  We would never say, Dear Jenifer, my best friend, lovely sister of mine, would you please take some time to listen to me? Best friend, would you help me know that you are here, Jenifer, my friend, my sister.

Now I realize that we should not equate people with God, as in they don't deserve the same kind of reverence.  However, could it be our prayers are a bit contrived and it's because we lack intimacy with the Father so we just trip all over ourselves trying to sound like we have it.

Just a thought.  I'm gonna try and work on this.  Slow down as I pray and think through what it is I'm really trying to say to this God whom I claim relationship with.

I'd love to here your thoughts on this.

I'm also posting some layouts for you to see.