You're not trying to win an award

I need to say this to myself several times a day.

You're not trying to win an award.
You're not trying to win an award.
You're not trying to win an award.

Why, you may ask?

Because I have a little difficulty doing things without the intent of 'winning an award'.  Maybe this doesn't happen to you, but here is how it goes for me.  I decide to do something, anything really.  I plot out how it will be.  I expect it to be amazing!  I'm not joshing you here.  I mean it.  I expect everything I do to be absolutely amazing and astonishing, and beautiful and surprising.

When I take a photo, it needs to be magazine quality.  Of course, you know that every photo I take is not magazine quality.  So, here you go, here is a picture that is not award winning.  It is just people getting together doing what people do.  Visiting, but it is important because it includes Jeremy's friend from high school, Brian, who was in our wedding and whom we haven't seen in something like 15 years.  It was a big deal.  But somehow, at the time, I didn't see the beauty in it so much.  I did see it as a moment to be documented, but I wasn't motivated to make it special because my eyes weren't really open.  But it is a big deal, so here it is, enjoy it.  An unedited, unplanned moment in my family's life.

It happens all the time really.  There are many things that I don't want to do because no one will recognize them as superb (because they really aren't superb).  Sometimes it has to do with the way I look, or what I fixed for dinner, or the condition of my car, or how my children are doing in school.  I need to just get over that and stop trying to win an award for everything I do. I think sometimes it has to do with wanting to be accepted.  I need to get over that too.  If someone can't accept me because I'm not superb, well, so be it.  After all, I'm not trying to win an award. 

Thanks to whoever first said that phrase.  It's a valuable lesson.


  1. I would say that phrase in the mirror, directed at myself.
    "You don't have to win an award"
    because most of the time, the 'someone' who doesn't accept I'm superb...is ME (or JOAN, who lives inside of me)

    so be sure your comment is directed there too! And good on ya for focusing your energy that way!

  2. Oh yeah, you are completely right. No one else really cares, but the feeling inside me that they do still screams at me to be perfect. It's a big theophostic issue for sure. I'm working on just letting it all go. So hard when you've spent 37 years trying to prove you are an award winning 'fill in the blank'.

  3. Here is something I have learned along the way... it's NOT about ME! (Humbling, but it works!)


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