Since I'm working on that 365 days of life project, I am taking pictures. At least for now I am. So this morning, I thought I'd take one of myself, just to see how that would go.
I knew that I wouldn't like it. There are too many things about me that I don't like. I find so many little problems and I pick them apart. And besides that, I'm pretty sure that the rest of the world would agree with my opinion on those things, at least if they weren't sitting there with me they would. The world doesn't particularly go 'in' for fat girls. I know that. No one needs to try to make me feel better by lying to me with phrases such as 'you're not fat', or 'but you have such a pretty face', or whatever other thing they'd like to tell me so that I wouldn't feel the pain of acknowledging the hard truth.
I am fat. As such, I rarely show anyone a photo of me that includes my whole body, usually it's just my face, though that is getting to the point where I'm not so fond of it either. I don't know why that is. It's not as if they can't tell that I'm fat when I'm standing there with them. Duh!!!
Well, anyway, today, I decided I would take a picture of myself, my whole self, and post it here for all the world to see. I am not what I'd like to be physically, but that is not all of who I am either. Perhaps by this time next year, the picture will look different. On the other hand, it may not. I'm not okay with what I look like, but I feel like I need to be honest about it. Perhaps that will help me to take the next step. If I'm honest with you, maybe I'll be honest with me too.
So here I am, in my fluffy glory. I like my clothing, and the newly painted wall behind me in the standing picture.