See this, this is my dog Bean.  He's cute, he's cuddly and he loves me and everyone else in my house.  He loves us just the way we are.  And we love him too, even though he farts almost as often as I breath.  We still love him.  Why, cause he's just so loveable I guess, or maybe because we don't assume that he has any alterior motives or plans to harm us in any way. 

I, on the other hand have not been so loveable today.  I kinda blew it this morning with my kids.  Oh yes, you can be sure that they DID do something that was not appropriate, but I handled it really badly.

I just got done reading about shame on Christine's blog.  I had asked her a question and as always, she came through with some really helpful material.  However, she did remind me that I'd be likely to forget it all rather quickly and need to go back to it. (she's clairvoyant too I guess.)  She was totally and completely right.

I'm pretty confident that I poured a dirty, stinking bucket of shame sludge all over my poor children this morning.  I will be making this right later when I have the opportunity, but I sure do wish I hadn't done it this morning.  I sure wish I had reacted rightly to the situation.

Honestly, I'm not even sure I know what rightly would have been and therein lies the rub.  I get frustrated because something happens that makes me feel completely out of control and then I just lose it all together.  What SHOULD I have done?

My kids had been sneaking poptarts and when the child who hadn't had any went to get one, there were none left.  So I ask my children how this happened, but of course no one knows.  They lie and tell me it was the other child.  I get very angry.  I hate being lied to.  I hate that they won't just ask permission for such delicacies as pop tarts in the first place.  I tell them, fine, I won't be buying any more pop tarts since no one can be trusted to be honest with pop tarts in the house.  I make them feel that they've ruined it for everyone, which they have, but I could have handled it so much better.  At least I think I could have.

On my drive home from dropping them at school, I try to figure out why I flipped my lid on this little thing.  The only thing I can come up with is that it is a situation that makes me feel completely out of control and I DO NOT like that feeling at all.  I have 4 teenagers.  3 of them constantly sneak around behind my back. The other one keeps her nose pretty clean, though the others like to make allusions to the fact that even that is all an illusion.  (I try not to think much about that as if it is an illusion then she is REALLY good at and I just don't think I'm going to catch it.)  The grim reality is that with 3 sneaky teens, I AM out of control. There is not much I can do about what they do when I'm not standing over them watching their every move.

I'm gonna have to deal with this.  I'm gonna have to pray the Serenity prayer.  I'm gonna have to believe that it is OK to not be in control.  I'm gonna have to let go.

Pray for me.


  1. I would like to point out that I am terrible at being sneaky..remember the oatmeal cream pie incident? ya...lol

  2. BTDT got the t-shirt. Stealing and lying are definitely my triggers too. For me, I think I am probably a bit of a control freak and that's why this kind of stuff sets me off. Definitely something for me to keep working on.

    Ironically we had an issue with pop-tarts (which I never buy) last night.

    Hugs and prayers,
    Mary in TX

    (BTW, sorry if I've been pushy lately, I don't mean to be. Please just tell me to back off!).

  3. I know Kitty love, that's why I don't really believe them when they try to frame you. I know you're not perfect, but none of us is and I see you trying to walk rightly. I love you!!!

  4. No worries Mary, I'm just glad someone is reading. LOL I think I only have 4 readers. You, my daughter, Babs and B.E. I'm glad to have all of you, so thank you for taking the time. I am on a journey here of trying to find my way through life, not always easy is it. And I hear you on the control freak thing, after processing through that, I think that is exactly what my issue is, though I never quite realized it before.

  5. Hi My Friend:

    I know about blowing it. I see in my head this easy going person but she doesn't always come out. I know God is trying to use it to have me rely on him. Also, I am grateful that I recognize that I blow it so I can turn to him to help me from not blowing it so much. I hear from so many others that they blow it with their kids too. It is nice to know I am not the only one. Today I was truly asking God to remove the roots of anger. I was also listening to Randy Carlson on Intentional Living and he talked about chosing our battles. Pray for me also. I love your blog.

  6. Got your back Teri. We are certainly NOT alone in this! I find there is great power in sharing because it is in sharing that we find just how strong we are together. We recognize that we all share the same struggles and that it is okay. I love ya girl.


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