Living each day

I just got done reading another RAD post. I've had a bit of a renewal in the department of looking head on at what I'm dealing with in my kiddos. I think I've grown numb in some respects. Tired, at least. But when I read what Christine has to say, I can't ignore it.

I am the woman in the title sometimes. I know, the language is not clean, but the description is accurate. That's not the woman I want to be, or the mom I want to be, or the wife I want to be. I find myself running out of ways to cope. And then I'm reminded that not only do I need to cope, I need to be proactive and help my kids heal. I'm reminded that counseling just isn't an option for our family.

I'm reminded that while I agree with a lot of the opinions on RAD and how to treat it, I don't agree with them all and that leaves me trying to figure it out on my own. Well, not exactly on my own, with God's guidence of course. Still, it is easy to doubt.

This morning, my 15 year old son didn't know what time school starts. He goes there EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! But he doesn't know when school starts, or when classes start, or when they end. At least he won't admit it.

While I told him that he wouldn't be able to call his girlfriend until his homework is done, he acts surprised when the phone rings and he asks for time to talk with her and I say "Is your homework done?" The face below is the face I get most often when I pull out the camera. He's bent on being 'Emo' and smiling would destroy his image, poor guy.

Sometimes, I just don't know what to do. I write this and I think most folks reading it would say, 'oh, that's just kids' but I know better. I live with him and I know it's not normal to be the way he is. He may look normal and do some things that look normal, but the stuff on the inside is not. The inability to trust anyone is not normal and healthy. The constant search for a way of escape in a new environment is not typical and healthy.

So today, I don't feel so strong.  Hopefully, tomorrow I will get stronger and do better and do the mothering and theraputic parenting that I need to do.