Today is one of the days on which I wonder, "Does Christ live in me? Really?"
I hate days like this. It means that this is the kind of day where I'd rather stick a fork in my eye than experience the particular emotions that are assailing me at this moment in time.
My life verse has been, for about 6 or 7 years now, Philippians 3:10-11 which says, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead"
I do want that, but when I am experiencing what is necessary to actually have that, I really struggle with it.
If I'm honest, I'd have to say that having 2 RAD kids and 1 who might also be, along with my own bio daughter has been the thing that has affected me most. More than bible studies and church services and after-glow. I've been affected by the fact that my life is made difficult by parenting and, in light of what I study, I can't just react. I have to change, grow, be compassionate and die to myself. I suck at that.
Am I really a follower of Christ? Am I?