"What in the world happened?" you may ask. The answer is neither simple, nor do I even have one precisely. You see, I'm in process, like many of you would admit to being.
In the last 3 or 4 months, I've actually been wrestling with the Dragon many of us know as depression. It's not unfamliar battle ground for me, I've been here before, more times than I can remember at this point in my life. But it is different now, mainly because I am not afraid of it any longer. Today, I know how to name it and I know how to fight it and most importantly, I know I'll get through it.
I'd like to bring you up to date on what has happened, but in 2 years, a LOT can happen and I think we might be here for a bit too long if I try to do that. One thing I can tell you, I've been mucking through the weeds a bit.
|(these are the weeds currently in my front yard)|
The other thing I've been up to is clearing out some cobwebs. Cobwebs are interesting and annoying. Graphically speaking, they can be beautiful, again, under the right conditions. If they are doused with droplets of water and the light is shining through they can create unparallelled beauty. But generally, they are just cobwebs and that means sticky, messy and......well.....lets face it, bugs and spiders. They end up making it difficult to see what is beyond them, causing a sort of clouded vision. And when they are doing what they are meant to do, they catch bugs and house spiders and I don't want either of those really.
|(Yeah, here are a few spider webs, these live in the Aloe and I can never seem to get rid of them. As soon as I remove them, they are right back the next day, detracting from the beauty.)|
I've got work to do. As I was praying today, I realized that Jesus has been asking me for a while to write and I've been making quite a few excuses not to do that. I've been avoiding it, plain and simple. I've distracted myself with pretty fragrances and ministry and people. All of those are good, but this is something I need to spend some time doing.
It will be hard.
Here's my yard, from a bit more of a distance. It's a little overgrown and rather messy. I'm not a fantastic gardener by any stretch of the imagination. But what would happen if I spent just a little time daily tending it with attention to detail? Something good might grow I think.
I'm going to work on tending the garden of my heart also by cutting out some weeds and pulling out the cobwebs. I've got more story to tell that I've left unspoken. Those parts are ones which I've shied away from telling, fearing judgement or maybe just the pain of the reality. But I believe it's what I am supposed to do. Part of me has felt like this is a waste of time, work of little value. But I think that is a lie and it is something I need to do for me and also for others.
So, if any of you are still around, I'd sure love a bit of encouragement if you have it to give. If not, that's ok too. Some things will likely change in terms of appearance. I'll be experimenting. We'll see where this leads. I hope to see you around.