Elusive Light

O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

    but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

    before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

    They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them;

    they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

    you are still with me!

O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

    Get out of my life, you murderers!

They blaspheme you;

    your enemies misuse your name.

O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?

    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

    for your enemies are my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Psalm 139

The light of evening holds an elusive quality.  Sometimes?  No, all of the time.  It runs away like a cheeky child hiding in the bushes but then, when it's good and ready, comes bolting back out with a command that you be ready to play once again.

One might be tempted to say that spiritual fervor is this way too.  It seems all too ardent one moment then still and dead the next.

So what do you and I do when our fervor seems to have lost its lustre? For many years, I thought the answer was to just try harder.  To be honest, that is what I heard from respected Christian leaders. 

If you aren't feeling God's presence then you need to dig in to the Word and prayer more. Better yet, work on your bible memorization, or perhaps what you really need is to serve!  Have you considered 'Children's Ministry', they always need people!!

While each of these are good practices, I'm not sure that we can pin our spiritually darkened periods to how many good spiritual disciplines we have under our pious belts.

Let me pitch and idea out there for you to consider and you let me know if it rings true.  I think our fervor is dependent more on how intimate we are with the object of our fervor.  Think for a moment about someone with whom you have a relationship.  I mean a close relationship. Do you have that person in your mind? Ok, what is it that causes you to feel fulfilled in that relationship?

Is it that you've memorized facts about the person?  Is it that you read things about that person?  Is it that you have one way conversations with that person where you do all the talking and they simply listen?  Is it that you serve other people on that person's behalf so they will notice your kind heart?

Or is it that you spend time with that person, so much time that you can finish each other's thoughts?  Is it that you can look at your special someone and know how they are feeling and know exactly how to respond to them as a result?  Is it when you do things, even normal everyday things, together? Is it when you serve other people together?  Is it when you know them so well that you understand their motivations for whatever they do and even when you don't like what they do, you still like who they are because you get each other's hearts?

That is how we think of people that we care about, but is it how we think about relationship with God?  We may be able to recite His characteristics, but have we experienced those characteristics in such a way that we trust His heart? The Word tells us about God's character, but it is time spent with Him, knowing His character personally that allows us to love Him. It is when we are in such intimacy that we have listened to Him as He shares His emotions with us that we can begin to say we KNOW HIM.

This is why David wrote the way he did in the Psalms.  He poured out his heart, his anguish, his worry, his confusion, but always, he came back to words of praise and trust, not because it was so much information that he'd taken in, but because Jehovah God and David had walked together and talked together and lived together in intimacy.  This was not some theoretical intimacy, this was real! In Psalm 139, David trusted His God to carefully search the innermost workings of his heart for what might be ugly and sinful.  We will never do that with someone that we don't know intimately, that we don't trust completely!

We've all heard sermons on how to get intimate with our Father.  Usually, they include recommendations for spiritual disciplines in one form or another.  These are important parts of the Christian life, but they are not a substitute for spending time with the actual person of Father God, the actual person of Jesus Christ or the actual person of the Holy Spirit.

The light, the True Light is elusive because we simply don't let Him into our Christian activity.  We have moments when we do this, perhaps during worship, perhaps as we look out over a roaring sea or a storm wracked sky.  But these are exceptions.  We do not daily expect to exchange personal thoughts, heart desires, hurts and joys with the Lord Himself. We don't anticipate His voice speaking directly to us.  And so the light wanes.

Today, expect Him to respond when you talk to Him, and then simply listen.  What is He saying?

What is Glory Anyway???

But when one turns to the Lord,

the veil is removed. 

Now the Lord is the Spirit, 

and where the Spirit of the Lord is,

there is freedom. 

And we all, with unveiled face,

beholding the glory of the Lord,

are being transformed into the same

image from one degree of glory to another.

For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (ESV)

I have spent hour upon hour contemplating the glory of the Lord.  Mostly, my reason for this was because it was something I simply didn't understand,........but I wanted to.  Glory seemed to me to be a mystery.

The only way I was at all able to explain God's Glory was by borrowing the language found in passages like Isaiah 6:1-6 or Revelation 4.  Grand images of throne rooms and robes, angelic hosts and light beyond imagining were the place of beginning for me. The sound of the voices of the angels alone seem like they would cause an onlooker to faint dead away.  But when the voice of the One is heard........well how can that be comprehended?!

Recently, I was reading an entry from Oswald Chambers 'My Utmost For His Highest'. (the entry was January 23rd, if you're interested) The devotional itself was very impacting, but I'm a bit of a rebel and cannot simply leave my study at only a snippet of Scripture which appears to be plopped down out of context.  'What Else Does It Say!!??' screams my inquisitive mind.

So I spent a bit of time in 2 Corinthians 3 to learn what was the context.  In the end, I had to agree that Mr. Chamber's people had well chosen the passage that was being illuminated. Here it is again,

And we all, with unveiled face,beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

What grabbed me was the idea that beholding His glory brings about transformation. Because my concept of glory was fixed on the idea of grandeur and majesty, I have often felt at a loss as to how exactly to be transformed by that glory. I pondered over this a while longer and then did what I've been training myself to do, I asked Jesus.  Here was my question. 

"Jesus, I want to behold your glory, but I am not always sure how to accomplish this.  How do you want to show me Your glory right now?"

I am lately in the habit of asking Jesus questions like this and then sitting quietly and listening in my heart for what He would say.  On this occasion, he caught me by surprise.  The first line from Chamber's devotional said "The outstanding characteristic of a Christian is this unveiled frankness before God so that the life becomes a mirror for other lives." 

As I considered that, I realized that being unveiled and frank implies being open as to what I really think about Him and then inviting Him to correct whatever needs correcting. In this instance, here is how Jesus corrected me.

Where I thought glory was meant to be bright and shiny, He reminded me that He'd been an ordinary carpenter and yet that He'd displayed God's glory every day of His life.  Where I thought it involved angelic songs, He reminded me that it simply meant a quiet touch and a kind word to one who is hurting. Where I thought it required weird creatures circling above an impossibly large throne, Jesus reminded me that it was simply when His sheep hear His voice and come to Him.

And when it was time to be personal, He reminded me that His glory is displayed in ME every time a new and healthy response comes out of me that looks like Jesus' reflection.  Throwing out my old ways of thinking, the ones that weighed me down is a reflection of Jesus' glory in me.

He reminded me that my definition of glory needed some refining too, right alongside of me.  I wonder, what other definitions are in need of some tweaking?  Today, I invite you to ask Jesus the question I asked. If He shows you something you hadn't seen before, I do hope you'll share it with me.

Differences Should Drive us to Christ and Ultimately, to Unity

If you are like me, you've noticed that even among God's people there are an awful lot of differences.  We can usually accept some level of difference of personality, or difference of appearance, or difference of preference.  However, a difference of opinion?  Watch out!

When differences of opinion (or what we deem to be the 'right' way to think/do/speak/feel) surface, we get might touchy!  And often, we become downright angry and resentful.  This is especially true when someone else's different way of doing things affects us directly.

It's true that the world speaks a great deal about tolerance, but the reality is, even within the secular world, the tolerance only extends as far as what seems to not affect others in a direct manner.  (We could certainly discuss some different interpretations of 'effect' but lets not for today.)

I believe God would love to speak to His people, in partiular, about how we are to accept one another's differences.  I've seen in my own relationships, in my church family and among the people of God as a whole that differences bring separation and I believe this deeply grieves the heart of God.

Jesus was pretty specific about this concept in John:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,  that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 

John 17:20-23 (NIV)

God desires unity among His people.  If that is the case, how do we deal with the differences of opinion?  And for that matter, why does He even give us these differences?

Do you know how many times I've asked God to just sort of brainwash me so that I could think the way 'John Smith' thinks instead of always battling in my mind about how 'John Smith' might be 'doing it wrong'?  Well, I can tell you, it's a LOT of times.  A LOT!! (maybe this is especially difficult for women since our position within the church is not one of leadership?)

But I am coming to believe that God has a unique purpose in allowing these differences.  We know that God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose(Rom 8:28).  So that has to include all the differences right?

I believe that what God calls His people to do is this: when there are differences  significant enough to breed contention, he desires us to take our frustration, our resentment, our concern, our anger.....all of it.....directly to Jesus and ask Him to deal with it.

And leave it there.

Our differences are intended to cause us to more carefully look to Jesus as the author and perfector of our faith.  They are NOT intended to divide us, or cause us to hold resentments, or to avoid people, or to hate people.  They are there to bring us to the end of ourselves so that we can begin to look more like Jesus.  Ultimately, they are meant to bring us to a point of humble unity.

Yes, there are times when we do have to confront things that are in error, but have we first really left it with Jesus and waited for Him to point us to a godly confrontation?

These things are very much a part of what allows us to truly  and unconditionally love the people around us.  May we wholehearted seek unity through submission first to Christ our Lord.

Tired

I don't know why, but I'm tired today.  I slept well last night.  A long night of rest really, about 9 hours.  Yet today, I can scarcely keep my eyes open.

It's been a hectic week.  Some very good friends lost their father unexpectedly this week and we've been grieving with them.  Perhaps that is why I feel tired.

I also find myself continually seeking God.  Seeking a deeper love for Him.  Seeking a richer comprehension of His character and person.  Seeking to see His power in action among His people.  Seeking to see His people fall passionately, madly, hopefully in LOVE with Him.

I was reading AW Tozer's 'The Pursuit of God', which I happen to think is one of the most profound books I've ever read, aside from the Bible itself of course.  Tozer has a way of very eloquently proclaiming the very thoughts of my own heart.  I could never say things as he does, but I rejoice to know that someone else knows.

This time, I was caught up with the following statements. "In this hour of all-but-universal darkness one cheering gleam appears: Within the fold of conservative Christianity there are to be found increasing numbers of persons whose religious lives are marked by a growing hunger after God Himslef. They are eager for spritual realities and will not be put off with words, nor will they be content with correct 'interpretations' of truth.  They are athirst for God, and they will not be satisfied till they hae drunk deep at the Fountain of Living Water."

This is my desire.  Can you relate?

Does your heart ever hurt?

I mean for the Church.  For the body of Christ?  Right now, mine does.  Sometimes I don't how to explain the feeling that overwhelms me.  Right now, I have this feeling of deep sadness.  I suppose because I see such small love for such a great and worthy God.

Can you tell me why we don't seek to love Him more?  Can you see that this is what is happening?  Is your heart broken for the Bride? 

Oh God, would you convict  your people?  Would you awaken the sleeping beauty?  Help us see you and fall on our faces in worship..............please.

Is there something that can be done?

I'm asking a rhetorical question here of course.  You KNOW I have an opinion.  And the resounding answer is YES!!!  About what you may wonder.  About the loss of students out of the church.  About the apathy of the adults in the church.  About our lackluster faith.

Have you noticed it?  Have you noticed that our brothers and sisters in Christ and ourselves look very much like the world that we live in.  Many times, people would be hard pressed to know we are Christians at all.

But there is something that can be done.  You and I can change ourselves.  We can seek God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength.  We can and we should.

I thought I might suggest a little book list.  It's some of the things I've been reading that have been.............eye opening.  I hope you'll check them out.  I find that often, people aren't terribly inclined to read another book that is not entertaining.  I want to admonish you that it is, in large part, entertainment itself that is doing much of the damage to the Church in America.  So here is a list, here is a start.  And while you're at it, may I recommend The Bible as the one that comes at the top of the list.

Tozer on Worship and Entertainment
Family Driven Faith by Voddie T. Vauchem Jr
Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate by Jerry Bridges
A Weed in the Church by Scott Brown

That is a good group to start with, there are lots more good books that will help to inspire, inform and encourage you to do the hard things that will make a difference in the Church.  I am convinced the most lacking thing is worship of God.  I don't mean singing and praise music.  I mean adoration of a Holy God.  I believe these books will point you in that direction.

May God move you greatly.

You may need to be shocked!

I wonder if you've seen this video?  It's long and it's.............difficult in many ways, but it's also very healing.  I watched it today for about the 3rd or 4rth time.  I find I need to be reminded often what it really means to be a Christian.  Many times the people in our lives pat us on the back and tell us we're doing great but God is not in agreement.

I want God's pat and I really don't care for the kudos of the world.

Take a break from everyday things and do me the favor of watching something which may change your eternity.

If you take the time to watch this, please let me know your thoughts.

Overwhelmed

I've been reading Tozer again.  Each time I do so, I end up overwhelmed by the complacency that I see in the Church.  It's not that it is anything new, it is that Tozer puts into words what I know to be true but I spend so much time stumbling over the right words that I never seem capable of getting the thought across.

My heart is stirred by easily 50% of what this godly man had to say a half a century ago and which is still speaking loudly today.  Currently, I'm reading Tozer on Worship and Entertainment.  It is a scathing report on the lack of passion for God that is evident in the church. Interestingly, the church must have been very much like it is today even 50 years ago when Tozer was writing and preaching.

I'd like to leave you with this quote in the hopes it will stir you towards wildly seeking after God.  Tozer says this: " I am looking for the fellowship of the burning heart--for men and women of all generations everywhere who love the Savior until adoration becomes the music of their soul, until they don't have to be fooled with and entertained and amused. Jesus Christ is everything,  all in all!"

Pride-the ugliest feature

I'm in the middle of week three of Breaking Free, a bible study by Beth Moore.  I did this study before, I'm guessing about 5 years ago.  Somehow, I'm not sure I was 'present' that time.  At any rate, there was I lot I didn't gain freedom from.

Pride was one of those items.  There seems to be only one day dedicated to the eradication of this particular trait, though I can see that a lifetime could easily be required to even begin the process.

As I contemplated today's concepts in the study, I found myself somewhat flustered.  How do I get rid of pride?  It feels next to impossible.  I wondered where is the balance between humility and being a doormat?  Has the way I've viewed this my whole life been completely wrong?  What is true humility?

As I wondered that, I tried to think of a person I know who is humble.  I hope no one will be offended when I say that I could think of no one.  As for me, I'm full to overflowing with myself.  And not one person I know demonstrates humility, at least not as a characterizing trait.  Each person seems full of themselves in one glaring way or another.  Of course, some folks are more humble than others, but ultimately, I could not think of any person that I can emulate so that I might learn how to be humble. 

None.....save one.  Jesus.

Once again, I am struck by the need to 'watch' Him more closely.  To observe how he conducts himself.  What does he say and do?  How does he react? How would I have reacted in that situation?  In each situation I find myself, I am reminded of the need to ask 'What Would Jesus Do'.  It's not just a trite phrase, it should be the way all believers live.

Very difficult to do.  If you know of any great books on this subject or have heard useful teaching, I'd love for you to let me know in the comments section.

Not Something to be Grasped

Can I share a little of what I'm learning with you today.  Warning, the following will contain biblical references.....

I've studied Phillipians a number of times.  It is one of my favorite books of Scripture.  But recently, God has been speaking to me about growing out of selfishness and into self LESSness.  Philippians 2 is a wonderful portion of scripture for that lesson so it's something I've been meditating on lately.

This morning, I read again the portion where it says:

Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.  Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well. You should have the same attitude toward one another that Christ Jesus had, who though he existed in the form of God did not regard equality with God as something to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking on the form of a slave, by looking like other men, and by sharing in human nature.

This is from Philippians 2:3-7.  The passage goes to explain more of the way in which Christ behaved while on earth.  But the thing I noticed today is something which I've never understood before.  Here, Paul is comparing selfish ambition, or selfishness with a desire to be equal with God. 

This realization floored me!  When I want what I want and I expect to actually get it and I get angry when I don't, all of that is due to the fact that I consider myself to be equal with God.  The rest of the world needs to just stop and bow at my feet and fulfill my desires!

Yikes, what a terrible way for me and you to think.  But if you're like me, you do this over and over on a daily basis.  Perhaps it is the very foundation of sin nature in us.

I feel like this was a big insight, but I have to say that doing something about it seems quite daunting.  When I consider ALL the ways in which I daily express my selfishness, I am hard pressed to imagine how I will change it with any effectiveness.  I suppose that is where I must rest in the Spirit of God to do the work in me.  Thanks be to God!

The truth is that I can't, in myself, be like Christ.  But Christ in me can transform me daily through the renewing of my mind. I will trust in Him.

A few new layouts and some God thoughts

So here is my question and thought to ponder for the day.  I've noticed in church, in my own leading of prayer occasions and just being with other pray-ers (ie praying people) that sometimes we have a really hard time simply talking to God. 

Frequently, we feel the need to sound eloquent and spiritual.  The result is frequently that we sort of stumble all over ourselves and speak to God in a way that we would never consider speaking to a person sitting next to us.

For example: Dear Heavenly Father, God, would you just, God, would you just hear my prayer Lord.  Father, would you help me feel the presence of God, of the the Father, of You.

Translate that to a person.  We would never say, Dear Jenifer, my best friend, lovely sister of mine, would you please take some time to listen to me? Best friend, would you help me know that you are here, Jenifer, my friend, my sister.

Now I realize that we should not equate people with God, as in they don't deserve the same kind of reverence.  However, could it be our prayers are a bit contrived and it's because we lack intimacy with the Father so we just trip all over ourselves trying to sound like we have it.

Just a thought.  I'm gonna try and work on this.  Slow down as I pray and think through what it is I'm really trying to say to this God whom I claim relationship with.

I'd love to here your thoughts on this.

I'm also posting some layouts for you to see.